The fast pace of life

Since starting this blog I have been overwhelmed by ideas that I am so excited to write and share here.  New ideas come as fast as they go though as I am deep in the work of raising my child and supporting the development of others.  I need a journal, a photographic memory or a secretary to help me record all of the topics I’d love to delve deeper into.  Without this I am at a loss. The school day goes by, diapers get changed, we all get messy, giggle, cry, hug, eat dinner and snuggle up for bed.  Another day starts and another day ends.  I try my hardest to hold on to ideas that excite me.  I try harder still to hold on to each second that is slipping by.  Each second as my quickly growing boy becomes who he will.

That is, until something really hits me.  Sometimes some things in this world sit so deeply in our soul we hope to never forget.  They touch us in a way that shows us something new.  People, ideas, music or art all can move us.  This past week I read an article that gripped me this way.  Then an old friend, now far removed from our busy daily life in California, sent me this same article.

The article is an honest account of daily life with a son who at 18 months doesn’t have more than another 18 months of life left to live.  He is slowly losing a battle with Tay-Sachs disease.  Each day holds a different meaning than the average family’s day.  We spend our days, weeks and months planning for a future we mostly take for granted. High school sports, college tours, wedding days and grand-children.  What if each day was just that.  Just that day.  Just that hug. That warm sun on your back as you watch your baby examine blades of grass.

Of course this article is heart wrenching.  Sad isn’t even the word.  It is a new feeling.  It is so honestly written that it makes you wish you could have that kind of clarity forever.  When she wakes up in the morning there is no thought of making it to music class or helping him become ‘better’ at new skills.  Four hours of cuddling in pajamas would not bring on guilt for time lost, only thankfulness.  How much time do we spend planning, rushing, forging ahead at the cost of ‘NOW’.  It makes me want to be aware, every moment, every second.

My son is my greatest gift.  He was when he was born, and he always will be.  This article gave me an eye-opening reminder of how lucky I am to have him here, now, and tomorrow.  When he was only four weeks old he ended up very ill and there were moments I thought I would lose him.  I felt as if perhaps I wasn’t worthy of this amazing boy and that he would be gone before I could ever really know him.  To survive those weeks I pushed those thoughts away, this article brought them back with vengeance.

My son and all of the kids I share my days with do not think of the future.  They are not wrapped up in anything other than the NOW.  This is such a gift and I need to appreciate them more for it.  To learn from them instead of hurry them up.  The other night, after reading this article, I watched my son hug my husband.  He had asked for an “ugg” from his Dada, wrapped his arms around him and just held himself there.  My husband and I had stuff to do but dishes and litter boxes could wait.  While sitting on my lap Collin hugged his Dada for a good solid few minutes.  Far longer than any adult would deem appropriate to hug another adult.  Being present in the moment was natural for Collin, letting him have the moment was a gift for all of us.

Let this article serve as a reminder to myself to be with my son.  That is all he wants.  Truly that is all he really needs right now.  I hope I can meet the challenge.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Auntie Elizabeth
    Oct 24, 2011 @ 23:19:30

    So moving! Every minute together is so precious whether we are allotted a trillion on a hundred. “My son is my greatest gift. He was when he was born, and he always will be.” I feel the same about my daughters. I thought my heart was filled to the brim when they were born and yet every day I only love them more and more. They, and Collin, are the colors in my world.


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